


Naked Bread

by dailynightly



Series: The Adventures of Hobo Dames & Friends [1]
Category: Blur (Band)
Genre: Hobo Dames, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-23
Updated: 2018-09-23
Packaged: 2019-07-15 21:35:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16071818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dailynightly/pseuds/dailynightly
Summary: All Damon wanted was some Toast. Nothing but sadness and pain ensues.





	Naked Bread

**Author's Note:**

> i love both of these humans tremendously
> 
> i mean no disrespect

Damon tossed and turned inside of his little box that sits next to a dumpster in an alleyway. It had been raining all night, and his box and clothes have began to smell musty. Sort of like a wet towel at the bottom of your laundry that hasn't been washed in a week. Sitting up, Damon let out a crunchy sigh. He adjusted himself in his box and then began removing his olive green trousers. He really admired these trousers. He found them in a dumpster behind Abercrombie & Fitch. They were the most expensive and the only clothing article he owned. That’s a lie, he also owns a white undershirt, a black coat that is three times too big, a pair of underwear, and chewbacca slippers, but he never wears them. He believes they are tacky so he leaves them inside of his Backstreet Boys bookbag he stole off of a 12 year old school girl in 1999. 

Once he successfully removed his damp trousers, he sat naked manspreading for a few moments admiring the view of his alleyway. He smiled to himself as his heart overflowed with love. He wouldn’t trade this place for anything in the world. Even a copy of Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 2 which he had been dreaming of owning since he saw someone playing a demo in the window of a video game store. He continued observing the passer-bys, nodding and smiling as they went along their way. One of them looked back and stared for a few moments. He was tall with a sharp jawline and a fringe haircut that would make any emo boy swoon. 

Damon flashed a toothy smile at him and gestured for him to come towards him. The stranger smiled back uncomfortably, but obliged, slowly disappearing into the dim lit alleyway where Damon was waiting patiently for him. Damon politely began covering himself up with the shower curtain that he used for a blanket hoping to make the encounter with this stranger a little more comfortable. 

“Listen,” the tall stranger began, “I don’t have any money or drugs if that’s what you’re after.”

Damon stood up, now becoming nearly face to face with the other man. He smelled faintly of goat cheese and Windex glass cleaner™. “I don’t want your money. What’s your name?” Damon asked.

“Uh Alex.” He shifted uncomfortably and continued, “What can I help you with?”

“I want toast.”

“Okay.” 

“I don’t like crust.”

“I’ll remove it.” Alex assured him.

“Great. Get on it then.”

Alex nodded and began sprinting in the other direction towards the nearest toaster. 

“What a nice lad.” Damon thought to himself. 

Damon sat back down in his box and began to ponder how he was going to spend his day. Some days he enjoyed chasing pigeons down the sidewalk, but he just wasn’t feeling that today. Besides, the other day he got attacked and it left him feeling rather sad. No one bothered to help. They just continued strolling down the sidewalk watching him writhe around on the ground shouting profanities. Children watched in amusement, adults watched in both terror and disgust. He didn’t want to experience those horrific events again, so he continued to explore other ideas. He had always wanted to try on expensive clothing at the Gucci shop down the street, but every time he came within even a foot of the door, the doorman threw a wadded up dollar bill at him and called him Lord Stank. He was beginning to run out of ideas. He just wanted his toast. 

Before he could form another thought, Alex came sprinting down the alley way with a slice of toast in hand. Damon smiled ear to ear thinking about shoving that glorious piece of toasted bread down his food hole. 

“Toast.” Alex said, shoving the bread into Damon’s face.

“Fantastic.”

Alex quickly turned around and sprinted back down the alley, leaving Damon alone with his thoughts once again. At least he had toast now. 

Damon closed his eyes and bit into the toast expecting a burst of happiness. Instead, he got nothing but pure misery. 

 

Alex forgot the jelly.


End file.
